Is your best friend cheating on you?
When your Best Friend Cheats with Your Partner
How do you handle a cheating best friend? It is often said that the cheated on spouse is the last to know, that everyone else has spotted the cheating except them. This is often painfully true when the infidelity is committed by a husband and the wife’s best friend, or vice versa, when the wife cheats on her husband with one of his friends. The cheating with best friend is far more common than just in sensationalist newspaper reports where some serious vengeance has been wreaked by the distraught wife. So why would your husband cheat on you with your best friend? More importantly why do best friends betray their friendship by sleeping with their friends’ partner?
He’s cheating with best friend who is very close to you
The very closeness of your best friend is part of the problem; they know you very well and by extension they probably know your partner pretty well also. They have heard your side of the story maybe when you are fed up with your partners’ behavior and they will know when the relationship is in trouble. The younger the parties involved the more the definition of best friend can be seen as a bit loose; when we are younger our best friends are still changing. The girl you thought was a great person to have around when you were single may not be such a good friend when you are seriously involved with your man. Jealously plays a part in some best friend cheating with your husband scenarios, as too does the length of the friendship. A cheating best friend you have not known for that long may have been hiding their true personality and been envious of your situation.
Losing two friends at once
The worst part of discovering a cheating best friend, for sinstance that your husband has cheated on you with your best friend, is that you are doubly betrayed. The one person you would turn to in times of crisis has betrayed you by cheating with your partner, so now you feel as if there is nowhere to turn. I have had women ask me what to do, how to repair the friendship and the relationship when you want to scream at both of them? My advice in these cases is almost always to take a good long look at both the relationship and the friendship, but to put the marriage or relationship first! It really does not matter if your cheating best friend begs your forgiveness and says it was all your husbands’ fault; if you love him, you need to see if the marriage can be saved first. Your husband should also have been your friend and if that does not exist, if lust or duty are the only reason you two are together then the relationship is doomed. Your partner should be your friend and a true best friend should leave your partner alone!
How to survive the devastation of a cheating best friend
Whatever the reasons your friend gives you for cheating with your husband she has betrayed you and the friendship will never be the same again. Firstly you will find yourself going back over all the times that she was around your husband when you were there and you will wonder if you missed the signs. It is absolutely pointless beating yourself up over this; two people you trusted conspired to keep their affair secret and your trust in them was their cover. You have a right to be angry but you may need to get away from the situation if you think that anger will get out of control. Taking revenge on your husband and cheating best friend will almost inevitably backfire on you and people could get hurt.
However angry you may feel you need to stay in charge of the situation or else you could end up losing far more than thecheating best friend or the relationship. Clearly the affair needs to end before you can even start to deal with what has happened and it is best if you do not see your friend until you have had a chance to talk the situation through with your husband. This may be very difficult if your friend is close to the whole family and you may need to tell others what has happened so that you do not have to see your cheating best friend for a while.
Remember, your family and other friends would want to support you in this situation so do not shut them out because you feel humiliated; you need their help. Focus on sorting out matters with your husband and trying to understand what has happened and inevitably you will want to know why? Your husband may have one version of events and your best friend’s version may be totally different. You will eventually need to listen to both of them and also understand that their guilt will influence what they say in that they both may want your forgiveness and to get back the emotional connection that you shared. Counseling will help because a third party is not emotionally involved and can ask you objective questions that you will struggle to ask yourself.
Can you forgive your cheating best friend?
In my experience when a husband cheats with a wife’s best friend it is rare for both relationships to survive. The wife may not be able to forgive either of them, or, for the sake of the marriage the husband is finally forgiven but the friend can no longer be welcome. After a long time, and maybe if there is a divorce, the best friend may eventually be forgiven but the friendship is never the same as before the affair. The forgiveness may be achieved but the friendship is destroyed, and I do not think that is unexpected. Surviving this type of infidelity is doubly hard and most people only have so much emotional energy available to repair the one relationship, and usually the marriage takes priority. So, if you discover that your best friend is cheating with your husband, understand that whilst forgiveness is a virtue, cheating best friend is extremely hard to handle and you are only human!
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